Hindi mo naman kailangan ipakita sa buong mundo na masaya kung hindi naman talaga. Lahat tayo dumadaan sa pagsubok. Huwag mo pilitin sarili mo na maging masaya kung hindi naman ganoon iyong nararamdaman mo. Kung may panahon tayo para maging masaya, may panahon rin tayo para maging malungkot. Stop pretending that you’re okay.
- Karen R. Gajol
Some people will never understand.
Posted by lifeswhatever | Filed under life,realizations,that moment,experiences,emotions,perspectives,professor,insult,
I never expected that one of my professors, whom I respect so much, would talk behind my back – in front of my classmates. I know I have my faults too but he should’ve at least tried to listen to my side first before making his judgments. Telling my classmates that he doesn’t believe that I’m having my check-up? He’s such a big chatterbox who doesn’t even know what he’s talking about. I approached him personally and showed him the medical certificate right in front of his face. At that moment, I still don’t know that he said something about me in front of the class. When I showed him the medical certificate, he was acting like… “Aww. :(( What’s your illness?”
What the?!
You know what, just in case you think I’m overreacting… This one’s for you.
I am affected because my reasons are way too deep and it hurts to be judged like that.
I am struggling deep inside. And most of the people don’t know because they never dare to ask.
And hey! This is not just about the check-up. It’s deeper than that.
I thought he was a good professor, because honestly, I really look up to him. I thought he was the kind of professor which would really care for his students, not just about matters related to his class but as well as matters outside the class. I thought he was approachable and understanding enough. But no, it was a mistake to believe that. He doesn’t know what I’m going through. Forgive me for being emotional but I felt insulted and hurt by his hypocrisy. That’s all I can say. How would he be able to understand if he wouldn’t ask me in the first place? Why would he rely on his own judgment? How dare he judge me like that? He doesn’t even know me that well.
I have no problems with him being outspoken but I think.. what he did was UNPROFESSIONAL.
I know absence is a choice but I have my own reasons and I won’t dare explain them to him or to any other people who never thought about asking me the WHYs of my doings.
Some people have already made their judgments already. How could I ever open myself up to someone or to those people who have already closed their minds to me?
I have my own personal issues and problems that no one knows about, even my best friend. My mom and dad are both sick. My siblings are growing up and soon I’m going to be the one who’s going take all the responsibilities. Right now, it’s been hard coping with the difficulties that I’m going through. I’m still trying to adjust – to live without being dependent on my parents, especially to my father. It’s been really hard to deal with things since I decided to try to start living on my own (still with the financial support of my parents). Of all the people in all the corners of the Earth, the only one whom I know would understand me well is my father. Eversince, he was the only one who knows my heart best. A lot of people don’t know this but it’s been two months since I kept myself from texting him. I mean, we still have a communication but we don’t really talk as much as we do before.
My first reason is that afraid to ask how he’s doing because I know he would just tell me the usual “Ganoon pa rin, anak. Lagi naman talagang problemado si Papa.” And you know, it would just sadden me. I don’t wanna be emotional about everything ‘coz I don’t want to experience depression anymore. As long as I can, I would avoid anything negative. Right now, I’ve been trying to keep my problems to myself and solve them on my own. Sometimes, when I feel like I couldn’t handle it anymore, I get some help from my closest friends. Anyway, my second reason why I have avoided texting him is because I know for sure that he would be asking a lot of questions about how I’m doing. And… I might just get carried away and tell him that “I’m having a really, really, hard time and I’m feeling so alone in this fight.” And that I want him to be with me in this fight because I know that whatever happens, he is going to support me and help me stand up whenever I fall. But I couldn’t. He is sick. His health is not in a good condition. I couldn’t bear to be a problem contributor to my father anymore. I know he wants to help but he has his own problems, and I have mine. I don’t wanna be a burden to him. I’m finding it hard to adjust but I will try my very best to deal with everything that I’m going through right now.
I guess this is one of the hardest parts in life. That moment when you realize that no matter how you want to explain something to someone in order for that someone to understand you, that person just couldn’t understand because he never would experience the emotions you’ve had while being in that difficult situation. No matter how much you’ve had the same experience, there would still be a difference when it comes to yours and that other person’s perspectives. It’s really hard when people question you about the things that they notice in you, or worse… when they question everything that they think is wrong about you. And you’re just there, finding it hard to answer them because you think they would never understand why you’re doing what you’re doing…
But no matter what, this one’s for sure… I’LL KEEP GOING.
Someday, it’s all gonna be worth it.
Posted by lifeswhatever | Filed under Lord God,life,learnings,realizations,weak,strong,choices,failures,challenges,opportunities,
It has never been easy to change. In my younger years, I have done a whole lot of stupid things in my life. I don’t have a God back then; I believed, but I don’t have that kind of intimate relationship with Him. I only had myself and my selfish desires. I’ve tried to search for peace of mind and fill my soul with joy. I’ve done so many things just to please myself and to enjoy every single day of my life. I thought it would make me happy but at the end of the day, the wholeness of my being was feeling the hunger and thirst for something that I could barely find. Emptiness and a life without direction, that’s what I’ve felt before. To all my friends and to those people who have seen the ‘All-smiling and friendly Karen-at-school-who-seems-like-who-doesn’t-have-a-problem-at-all’, maybe you could never imagine me doing the bad things. For all of you who don’t know how rebellious, spoiled, and (to break the ice) how “defective” I was before (haha), I’m telling you now… I was staggeringly an insecure person. I talk behind my friend’s back and gossip about them. I rebel against my parents and also talk back a lot. I choose my friends to the point that if I think you’re not going to be a benefit to me, I say “bye-bye baby”. I’m only good to people whenever I want them to do something for me. I tremendously enjoy cussing because I think it would make me some kind of a cool person; I purposefully drink alcohol with the intention of making myself drunk. If you ask me why, I could only give you two reasons. First, I drink because it is my way of escaping from reality, at least for a while. Second, being drunk makes me express myself without any fear of being judged or whatever. In short, being drunk helps me not to mind what others would think about me and gives me the courage to do the things that I want to do or want to try to do. If some of you happened to have seen me drinking too much alcohol before, my reasons were either of those two. In most situations, drinking alcohol is mistaken as courage. But I’ll tell you what? It’s cowardice. You’re finding a hard time facing reality, buddy. You think you’re enjoying the moment while you’re drinking but the truth is that you’re just convincing yourself that you’re happy when you’re really not. I must admit, I belong to the CowardiceVille before. There were some things in which I am remorseful of doing. Nevertheless, all those things made my life worth living since it brought me to where I am today. I’m really happy because if not for all the choices that I’ve made, I wouldn’t have been here today. I wouldn’t have met all of you, guys. I’ve encountered different kinds of people since I was young. I’ve met people so loving yet has no purpose in life; I’ve met pretentious people showing off how happy they are when in reality there were just masks; and I’ve met people who almost have nothing but were tremendously happy and joyful. Those people taught me a lot of things as I was observing them live their lives. Eversince I found God and had a relationship with Him, I have seen changes in my life. Those foolish things that I’ve done before is slowly wiped out by His grace. I learned how to be happy and do things courageously without the help of alcohol. I learned to see the brighter side of life. Honestly, I can’t say that I’m completely happy. Even if you see me all-smiling at school or at some other places, I’m still an imperfect person like all of the human beings in this world who doesn’t have a perfect life. Yet, I continue to search for happiness because I don’t want to get stuck in a rut. I always keep in mind that I have this choice to be happy. Life is a constant battle and I couldn’t bear to see myself just in the same phase as before. I want to improve and develop. And in order to do that, I have to be really strong to endure the challenges that God is going to give me. You may wonder why I’m telling you all of these things. It’s just that, I’m hearing people here and there telling me how strong I am and how positive I am about everything even when I have family problems, failing grades, and personal problems. People, to tell you the truth, I AM WEAK. Yes, you heard it from me. I am. But in God and with God I find hope, strength, and courage to face everything that comes my way. It’s never easy to live knowing that I have difficulties to face every single day but I know that I have to be responsible for the consequences of my actions. Many of us may not realize this but most of the problems that we all have were created by our own selves. It’s not easy to change but if I have done it with God’s help, you can too! Every second of your life is significant for your growth as a person. Don’t waste it. Every day is a new day and an opportunity to change. If you failed to change today, do it again tomorrow in a different strategy that you think would work for you best. Whatever happens, I want you to remember that you always have a choice. It’s either you make changes in your life to make things right or you do the same things again and again. Realize how boring life would be if you choose the second option. ;) Lots of love, Karen
NAKAKALUNGKOT LANG ISIPIN NA KARAMIHAN SA MGA TAO NGAYON AY PUMAPASOK LANG SA ISANG RELASYON DAHIL GUSTO NILANG PUNAN ANG KANILANG KALUNGKUTAN AT KAKULANGAN NG PAGMAMAHAL SA PAMAMAGITAN NG PAGKAKAROON NG BOYFRIEND O GIRLFRIEND. NAKAKALUNGKOT DAHIL KUNG HINDI MAN DAHILAN ANG KULANG NA PAGMAMAHAL NA NAKUKUHA GALING SA PAMILYA, MARAHIL AY HINDI PA NATUTUNAN NG MGA TAONG ITO KUNG PAANO MAHALIN AT TANGGAPIN ANG KANILANG SARILI NG BUONG-BUO.
- Karen R. Gajol
It’s somehow disappointing how a lot of people devote so much of their time worshiping their KPop idols but never had time spending it with God.
Sad fact: Most of the time, people remember God, only when they’re facing a problem.
- Karen R. Gajol
PEOPLE CHANGE. BUT MY GOD IS THE SAME GOD YESTERDAY AND FOREVER.
- Karen r. Gajol
Posted by lifeswhatever | Filed under past against me,ang babaw,
I dislike it when people use my past against me, I think it’s a low thing for them to do. Alam mo iyon? ANG BABAW.
Posted by lifeswhatever | Filed under rant,utak,inosente,malisyosa,
Hindi ko alam kung bakit may mga taong ganyan. Hindi ka naman ganoon ka-kilala, pero sobra kung makapanghusga. Sabihin niyo ng slow ako, okay lang. Wala akong pakialam. Pero ang sabihing nagpapaka-inosente ako? Sobra naman ata iyon. Huwag niyo akong i-tulad sa ibang tao na masyadong malisyosa ang utak.
AYAW NA AYAW KO SA MGA LALAKING SOBRA ANG BILIB SA SARILI.
- Karen R. Gajol
I only have one amazing thing - it’s God. Yet having this only one amazing thing makes me feel like I have everything in the world.
- Karen R. Gajol
Posted by lifeswhatever | Filed under friendship,God,lessons,smile,pride,
Sa mga may tampuhan at drama epek dyan:
Magbati na kayo. Sarili niyo lang rin iyong sinasaktan niyo sa ma-pride niyong puso. Why not swallow the pride and save the friendship instead? Wouldn’t it be nice to see yourself with your friend - both smiling together again? :) Oh c’mon. Just start a new beginning, learn from your mistakes, and let the lessons make you grow as a better person.
Posted by lifeswhatever | Filed under friendship,God,
Sa friendship, kahit may mga hindi pagkakaintindihan, hindi naman kailangan na may magbago sa samahan eh. Normal lang ang away. Ito ang susubok kung gaano ka-lakas ang pundasyon ng inyong pagkakaibigan. If you don’t want to lose a friend, dalawang bagay lang naman iyan eh. It’s either you let Satan win, or let God win.
A NEW LIFE STARTS NOW! Because every day is a chance to change. Don’t wait. Just start all over again. Now. Yes, RIGHT NOW.
- Karen R. Gajol
Posted by lifeswhatever | Filed under friends,God,happiness,heart,life,
At the end of the day, even with tons of friends, I know it’s only God who really understands me. He knows everything. He knows what’s inside my heart. But happiness is a choice, right? I never wanna see myself sad again, that is why, I keep finding reasons to be happy.
Posted by lifeswhatever | Filed under strength,weakness,reasons,happiness,difficulties,God,
I stay strong because of Him. He gives me hope in spite of trouble and He gives me strength in times of weakness - reasons why I live so happily every single day of my life despite of the difficulties that I am facing.
Regrets. Happiness. Pain. Realizations. 